Social Anxiety Blogs

Long spiral and hit rates are all watching, plus D is the only role played by. Long interest rates very high on the hit correction, spiral almost no correction.
Spiral power mainly depends on S, ATK and weapons weight, which weapon weight affect the most, such as S100 + column gun (weight 560) with 5 spiral, damage 38000 +; S100 + Cross Sword (weight 250) with 5 spiral, damage 20,000 + .SpiralKnights Gold
Breath damage mainly depends on the amount of remaining HP and maximum SP amount, so increase the power of VI is to enhance the skills of the primary means. Added up to 120 V IFirst, people with points: S87 +16 V85 +7 D53 +8 JOB is currently 59
MHP: 16986SP: 368HIT: 154FELL: 100ASPD: 145DEF: 41 (all values ??calculator calculate the actual defense) Note that in addition to DEF values ??are all outside the card is not equipped with any props when the initial state after 99: S87 + 16V93 +7 D60 +9 JOB: 67 (70 is a long way to go ... some do not expect)The default is a +8 equipment: fecal change cap Gangdun cloak of steel bamboo BootsWeapons: sickle halberd [1S]Card choices: sea anemones card analysis: the relationship because only one hole, so there is no mix and increase the damage, and if the plug can be considered a BOSS fight the abyss, the specific effects should be pierced and the past tense, like, GVG did not say infantry weapons with no suspense spear [4S] card options: wild boar, metal grasshopper, jellyfish card analysis: the weight of 100, destined to replace the sickle is not killer gun type of weapon in the dominant position,
SK Online Goldand no doubt the use of only two infantry species, one that is linked to three sea beasts West Mine, and the other is to rely on the advantages of 4D, mixed into two or four different states on the card in the infantry, and rely on six or more people mad stunDecorations: Recommended lucky beads (no holes in mind mainly) MDEF +5 LUK +3Card options: crocodile man card analysis: 5% of the long-range physical damage reduction, a pair is 10%, which often means more than 80V alchemical career hit by 120I can be removed from 2000 + HP damage, although the old clothes UB One can imagine the amount of popularity, but that UB is not possible to have permanent piece of clothing, regardless of whether the level of VIT knights are recommended and then we look at the different VIT Knight was 120I alchemical (ignored UJ20% of cases) Strong fire hit the DMG formula: (0.7 × V × their victims Int squared) / (V + their Int victims squared) = single injury case: 100V lord [0.7 * 100 * (120 ^)]/( 100 +120) * Full rate = 962 cases by: 80V Lord [0.7 * 80 * (120 ^)]/( 80 +120) * Full rate = 846 cases by: 50V Lord [0.7 * 50 * (120 ^)] / (50 +120) * full multiplier ratio (ie, body, property, race cards and props growth, red frog, UJ, UB, large cap drop cards, etc.) = 622 when the above GVG single injury, the only equipment Red Frog only air defense equipment, strong fire from the first look at the greatest harm to patients can only result in 9620 the lord of 100V harm, if equipped with double alligator and became pale with their skills after a delay of two seconds in the manual Lord interval will be able to brush back inside, if it is linked to LJ should be careful in Armor: Steel bamboo A [1S] Select Card: Dark God, MK, UB card analysis: Buy SpiralKnights gold the significance of the dark god Needless to say, to prevent the wise, WS Sinopec will be installed in the GVG is to prevent the use of a produced within a region with a long period of relentless, get rid of some of the sticky's job to use, so that they can play freely in the GVG, not passive, MK's role is to switch between God and the dark, defensive red door range by more than one lap of exorcism was stuck unable to move, and the holy sound when stepped on enemy embarrassment, UB did not say, resident less than a minute things, then the reason is simple 8F retain the advantages of knights high DEF integral piece of clothing, if you are using F12 setup proposed in the same shortcut keys on it, remember prepare three! Mantle [1S]: consider squid, UJ, first on the water properties of squid attack damage by 30%, riding with the main advantage of the high HP is unmatched by other occupations, 20% less to UJ innocuous, if you are using F12 proposed to set all insert both cards installed in the same suit of armor, cheap SpiralKnights gold and leaving a grid position after switching from the scope of the storm (refer to map out the red door GVG, if it is red so gorgeous on the big variable, the most good and Xiaoqiang card) and then switch on the UJ is the bulk of our anti-WS as a coherent place blizzard, all on a single UJ!

First off I know I am going a little nuts with the blog frequency, but my head has so much going on in it at the moment that stuff is liable to jump out of it and end up in blog form.

So I think I am ready for this date tomorrow. Clothes are selected, hair is cut, shoes are polished. I think I am going to dress up a little and go for business casual; this is largely based on the time of day and location of the date. Other than tossing some cologne in my work bag I think I am ready.

Mentally I think I am there as well. As soon as the date was arranged my anxiety spiked up and stayed up. I was trying to think of a time in my life when my anxiety was so high; and I came up with finals weeks during university.

I was always nervous writing tests so I came up with the brilliant theory that I would try to be as nervous as possible while studying as well. The idea being that the test would seem exactly like studying as I was already accustomed to being ridiculously nervous. As silly as all of this sounds I was in the top few percent of my engineering class so it worked for me.

Once I thought about my experience during university all of a sudden the anxiety seemed manageable. I have lived and studied at this level of anxiety for days at a time. I will survive and I can still function.

So barring a panic attack or something tomorrow I will be going on this date!

I may have screwed up the arrangements a bit however, but I hope I can get it worked out.

I'm hoping to just survive this experience. I don't even care if it goes well. It's like a bear attack; the goal is to just come out alive.

OK! My brain is going at a mile a minute right now, so hopefully I can slow it down enough to type.

The backstory
So I joined a dating website a little while ago and lately I have been messaging quite a few people. The response rate is abysmal. I probably sent out 20 messages to get three replies. Two of the people replying had no interest in me based on their short responses and the fact that they stopped responding to me. I had picked up the habit of asking them out on a date if it didn't seem like messages were going anywhere just to get a feel if they were interested in me at all. That turned out to be an efficient method of getting people to stop replying to me.

On monday I decided I was 100% done with okcupid as there was hardly any other people I wanted to message and I was sick of not getting responses. I decided to close out my illustrious online dating career by asking out one last person....

The story
... and she said yes! Not only yes, but she wanted to meet tonight! I did what any self-respecting socially anxious loner would do and came up with an excuse for tonight. But now I have to figure out within the next several hours of how I want to approach this date issue. I'm 95% sure I want to go through with it. So that's a start. I'm actually fairly excited about the idea and I was literally jumping up and down a few minutes ago. But there is a laundry list of things I am nervous about. If you have read this far you are both ethically and legally obligated to respond to something in this list to help calm me down:

- So this is the first date I have ever been on at the age of 27. I assume that I should be treating a first date as nothing but casual conversation? Anyone have any advice for someone getting into the dating game way too late?
- Is coffee a good first date? I'm guessing keeping it somewhat short and casual isn't a terrible idea?
- The birds and the bees... what's that all about?
- My car is a piece of shit that I have intended to replace for years. She doesn't drive. So I assume I will be driving. As an example of the level of POS we are talking about the passenger door and window do not work. Plus the parking brake is only decorative. Would it be stupid and irrational to rush into a car purchase in the next few days? Girls find seemingly dangerous POS cars charming, right?
- Also does anyone else who drives alone all the time have a irrational fear of someone being in the passenger seat?
- I never wear cologne as I try to have a neutral scent in the office. Is this one of those times that I should break it out?
- How much should I be dressing up if it is coffee? Are business casual too dressy, jeans too casual?
- oh god oh god oh god

I was just thinking that I also have dinner party on Friday. It seems so goddamn adult of me to possibly have a date and a dinner party on the same week. It's like a friends episode! :

A quote I stumbled upon just now, attributed to Abraham Lincoln. It's got me confused and I thought this might be the perfect place to share it. Your interpretation?

Jan 29th has rolled around and I'm sure you are all excited to know the results of the bk Marriage Competition! Unfortunately the competition has hit some snags. There is simply too many contestants to be able to sift through them in a reasonable amount of time. Therefore an additional stipulation has been added to the competition:

- Entries cannot occur in bk's dreams

Unfortunately this rule has eliminated all current entries. Therefore, the competition is extended with a revised rule set. Additions are in bold, subtractions in strikethrough.

(I have no idea if strikethroughs appear for any mobile users? Hopefully this doesn't look too weird)

Updated Competition Rules

As a few of you may know bk is dipping his foot into the dating pool going to be single for the rest of his life. There is the no possibility that bk may soon be married breaking the hearts of women everywhere, but surely a man can dream?

Understandably, this fact is bound to cause some a high degree of angst apathy amongst the female population. Therefore to make it a fair competition bk will be accepting marriage offers from all eligible females people or things/objects that resemble the human form at the following address:

i.want.to.marry.bk@gmail.com

Please include (or don't) details (number and quality) of the following items with your dowry proposal:

- livestock or deadstock or soup stock
- tracts of land
- castles
- small any rocks or coarse sand
- individually packaged pickles and brazil nuts
- anything blue cars

Include any number of tasteful* photos (please only include photos of yourself and the brazil nuts). Note: Zero is a number.

*Naughty photos also accepted

Competition closes Jan 29, 2012 Feb 5, 2012

As some of you may know already a hikikomori refers to a person who rarely will leave the house spending their time alone. The term originated in Japan, where there is a high incidence of this.

Zola Jesus has written a song about them. I thought some people on this forum could relate to it.

Hikikomori

By Zola Jesus

Blisters on my hands
And I feel the …Fall
I got scissors in my head
Telling me to take a thought
Telling me to let it fail
Secret in the deep dark
Secret on the inside
Ooohh I know I’m home
Linger in myself
I rather always go alone
Linger there by the stairs
Ooohh I know I’m home
Ooohh I know I’m home
Secret in the deep dark
Secret on the inside
Ooohh I know I’m home
Keeps me awake now
Keeps me rested
Oooh I know I’m home
Oooohhh I know I’m home
Ooohhh I know I’m home

tried going to my other class tonight. instead i was stuck in the parking lot with a panic attack. so looks like no classes for me this semester

As a few of you may know bk is dipping his foot into the dating pool. There is the possibility that bk may soon be married breaking the hearts of women everywhere.

Understandably, this fact is bound to cause some degree of angst among the female population. Therefore to make it a fair competition bk will be accepting marriage offers from all eligible females at the following address:

i.want.to.marry.bk@gmail.com

Please include details (number and quality) of the following items with your dowry proposal:

- livestock
- tracts of land
- castles
- small rocks
- individually packaged pickles and brazil nuts
- blue cars

Include any number of tasteful* photos (please only include photos of yourself and the brazil nuts)

*Naughty photos also accepted

Competition closes Jan 29, 2012

Things lately have been hit or miss.
My cousin who was in coma ended up very quickly recovering and never even went to physical therapy for his legs, just stuck in bed basically until they heal up. So, that was a relief.

I have been doing fairly well, still hunting for a PT/FT job which I can handle with my anxiety. I always seem to just miss out on the position even though I apply quite quickly but that seems to mainly be the case with craigslist positions.

Though I had a setback with a hospital visit because of heart palpitations, light headedness and fatigue. Plus my chest felt like it was vibrating, almost as if I was purring. o.O And my heart rate would shoot up about 5 minutes after eating. I could barely sleep because it would feel like I was getting zapped through my body or when I would doze off my heart would go BOOM and jolt me up. But the doctors at the ER were basically like, you're anxious *pat pat*.

So much for thinking I had some better control over my anxiety/obsessive thoughts. I had been doing really well and my mood was pretty stable so I never made a call for therapy about 2 months back. My PCP wants me to do that now and has me lined up for a Holter Monitor on Monday just in case to check out my heart for 24 hours.

But my three on-line classes are going well so far. I just don't think I am going to enjoy English much. I am not confident enough to think my writing will ever look well for an assignment. Yet, I have been trying to find Korean language courses and that seems harder than I thought. Plenty of Chinese and Japanese (was my first choice) but Korean looks so much easier and Japanese seems over done. I do want to learn them all though! :D I think it would be a great asset with the way Asian countries are booming right now. Plus, I listen to Korean/Japanese music. I have found one college nearby that you can minor in East Asian studies with Korean but 40,000 a year for tuition. Ouch! But there seems to be a Korean Institute in CT that teaches adult saturday classes for a 13-week semester at around $230.

That's the gist of things lately. Hope everyone is doing well!

I'm A-Okay now.
January have been a very painful one for me, but now things are starting to subside. The best thing about it is, I've learned that it would take A LOT for me to be pushed back into deep depression or suicidal thoughts. I had cried a lot, felt very bad, but then I worked through it. And now, my eyes are on looking towards a very huge big step in my life... I'm going to move out of my mother's home and out on my own.

This is not an easy decision, but a necessary one. I am smothered as a human being here, not allowed to be my true self, still treated like a child with even less respect for one. My mother told me quite bluntly that she doesn't like me. I've always been there for her and loved her much. And even though I am on SSI, I've felt it my duty to give her rent for the privilege of staying in my old room for the last ten years. I felt that it was my own responsibility to pay for all of my own bills too, thus she haven't had to take care of me financially. She told me that my monthly rent payments of $390 (more than half of my check) was peanuts and made me to believe that she was doing me a charity as I wouldn't be able to stay anywhere else for that price. Whenever I don't agree with her or display who I am as a human being (the same as I do here), she'd used the threat of: "I'll refuse your payment and kick you out. And then we'll see how far you'll get!" And then I would swallow my opinions, my tears, my emotions, even my own sense of what is right or wrong, to conform to what she wanted of me in order to not be kicked out into the streets. But finally it hit a breaking point and I decided that I rather live on the streets than here.

Which opened the doors to me actually looking into the costs of apartments and renting houses in my city. She had lied to me, as craiglist has hundreds of listings for apartments and houses to rent for lower than what I pay her. I remember my nephew trying to tell me this, one time ten years ago, but she had shushed him up and said he didn't know anything. It was suspicious, but I didn't doubt her as she is my mother and even though she doesn't like me, I've always loved her and thought she had my best interest at heart.

Anyways, in a few months of saving (for that first and last deposit), I should be able to find some place to be and actually pay less than I have here on top of it. The only problem is, that I would be living alone, which I'm not sure how that will play out. I'm too anxious for thinking about roommates, hence strangers that I don't know, so I can't really look into something like that. In being alone, I can imagine myself being stuck indoors for months, without food or company, slowly fading. I did not rely on my mother for money or things, but I really did for company and for emotional support, what little it was. And she made sure I would get out to a doctor's appointment every few years or so. I'm not sure how well I'll do with this... but I need to try.

I'm terrified, to say the least. I'm going to contact my oldest brother in Maryland and see if I can live with him or at least near him so I won't have to be alone. But that's a slim chance, most likely I will have to sink or swim in an apartment in my city... But you know what? I want to do this, I want to leave my mother's house, I want to be more of an 31 year old instead of continuing being trapped and smashed under in a "child's place". I'm child-like, that much is true, but I am mature and know how to handle my own money (have been doing so for fifteen years), I understand the importance of having priorities and structure, of self discipline and being consistent, and of doing what I'm suppose to do versus what I want to do or feel like doing. These things I have not learned from her, in fact she is more of a child than I was as a teen. My only issues that keep me at home is my anxiety and PTSD, not that I am unable to be the role of an adult and make sound decisions. In other words, I'm not suffering from arrested development or any major learning disability, to the point that if left alone I wouldn't know how to handle my bills, make sure I had money for food, etc. And since I know this, I'm going to take the plunge and try and see.

My friends, they're worried about me a little, as they know this is a very HUGE step for me. They know how I get when left alone in silence for long periods of time and how hard it is for me to leave the house for grocery shopping. I've been asked many times, "Are you sure?" My answer is always, "No, I'm not sure of anything. But do I want to do this? Do I feel I really have to for my own sake? Yes." They're offering so much support and one friend exclaimed, "I'm so proud of you, Dani!!!" Heehee. Well, nothing to be proud of yet, I haven't done it. But the sentiment is much appreciated.

I don't know where I'll be or where I'll turn up, I'm scared beyond scared, but I'm going for it. I'll be okay.

classes started this morning. been freaking the hell out about it even more than usual worrying how the stress of it might effect this whole sobriety thing. i've been known to drop classes on the first day, but i've never been dropped. so ridiculous. the teacher lady sent out an email last week saying if you are not there at 9:30 sharp you will be dropped. i assumed getting to the campus a half hour early, which would of been even earlier but there was a car accident right in front of the campus, would be plenty of time. sweet aggravating jesus that parking lot was like a football stadium at the end of a game. every aisle packed so you couldn't even drive. never seen it anything like that before. so yea of course didn't make it on time and got dropped along with a couple other folks.

works out for the best though. started to think taking 2 classes this semester would be the best of ideas when i'm already stressed out about group and aa every week, but no way could i handle telling my grandpa i was dropping another class. his lectures leave me feeling like shit. the other class i have is much cooler anyways. the history of rock and r&b!

I went to Cozumel, Mexico for a week a couple weeks ago. To be honest I had low expectations for this holiday as I was going with my parents, but overall I had a pretty great time. This was my second or perhaps third time going to Cozumel and I think every time I go my love for the island increases. Cozumel now has the capacity for 6 cruise ships (the last time I went I believe they only had the capacity for 2 due to hurricane damage) so I was very worried that it would be a lot busier; but overall it was surprisingly quiet. We would walk by many empty restaurants in the evening (if a restaurant had a lot of people in it - chances are the food is amazing). And when we would boat by the beach resorts most of them would be empty. It is great going to a beautiful Caribbean destination and actually be able to avoid large crowds from time to time!

We rented a huge condo (1900 sq ft) that overlooked the ocean. We were on the top floor of the building, and both the view and the condo were amazing. I don't know how we managed to get such nice place for so cheap.

View from the condo in the direction of the cruise dock, this is the biggest cruise ship in the world (Oasis Of The Seas):


The most popular activity in Cozumel is SCUBA diving as the water is amazingly clear and there is quite a variety of reefs to visit. I hadn't been diving for 4-5 years and it felt great to get back into the water. For a few of the days we would get in two dives (~45 mins each), eat lunch, then go out snorkelling for an hour or two. It was great spending so much time in the water! Even across the street from the condo the snorkelling was good with lots of fish and coral. My favorite diving moment was going through the interior of a military shipwreck and there was a big moray eel (maybe 6 ft long and really thick) laying on the floor. The divemaster petted it and it seemed to get a little excited and started to move its head around. Then to leave the ship we had to swim right over top of it, now that it was all excited. I kept a close eye on it the entire time I swam over top of it! I was close enough to pet it, but I decided against it . We also saw lots of turtles, big sting rays, big crabs&lobsters, and a huge variety of fish. I need to go diving more often!

Caribbean Sunset:


Crocodile; I believe this one had a name, but I just called it 'bitey':


Quiet streets in the evening:


I ate way too much on this trip as apperently there is not a Mexican dish that I don't like. Chicken stand:


Mom feeding raccoon:


My next trip plan is to go to Cambodia/Vietnam sometime this year, but it seems to be hitting some snags in the early planning stages.

------

Some online dating stuff
I have had a few IM conversations with someone on a dating site. I think the time is probably appropriate to ask her to coffee or something. I think I might actually go through with it! As I have roughly zero dating experience I am very nervous, but perhaps it is time to start growing up a little bit?

Other than this one person I have had no luck on this dating site (okcupid). I haven't sent out a lot of messages to people ( <10 different people), but I would hope that as I am targetting people with really high match %'s and common interests that the response rate would be high. But the pattern seems to be that they get the message, check out my profile, and never reply. I might send out a few more messages, but I think I am ready to take a break from the online dating scene for awhile.

I had planned to come back to this site a little more chipper and stable. But, I have no idea what's going on with my January... I am so very lost, at the moment. My best friend decided to not be my best friend anymore. I'm so tired of the up and downs, and maybe it was for the better. He went away and when he came back he was different... crueler and more hurtful. I spoke on it and came down to, "please stop or I can't be your friend anymore." So he choose to tell me to take a hike. And so, I did.

I'm not alone, I have my other best friend and she's not leaving me... or telling me to leave. Or treating me so awful. She would NEVER think that it's funny to make fun of my race, with lots of racial slurs, let alone be surprised that something like that would hurt me. He didn't use to be that way either, but then he changed to be. One of his customers has called him a "pompous ass" on one of his calls... I had giggled, because he really did turn into one. I had asked him over and over again, "What happened to my best friend? You use to be so kind and so full of life. You use to have such wisdom for me and such passion for photography. And now you're cold, distant, and mean. Where is my best friend?" He replied quite coldly, "he died."

So, it's one death after another this month and I can't seem to catch my breath in between the the grief... I'm wondering who else am I'm going to lose? This is terrible and I can't stop the tears. I'm not feeling very good, right now. My cat's gone, my aunt is gone, and now my best friend.

Hello out there!

I'm finally coming here to blog when I'm in a good mood, and not in some slump, feeling like life is horrible.

Well, I guess life is going okay. I still haven't found an apartment, but I'm working on it. I'm still working at the same place. I've started taking a computer science distance education course also, and I have a pretty solid plan lined out for the next few years.

By the way, let me tell you, distance education is AWESOME. Watching videos in my pj's is so much better than going to class. I think because of the way that my SA was really bad in my school-years, the idea of attending class today freaks me out. I watch the videos of the class and think about where I would sit or how I'd feel if I was there, and then I am so thankful for online education and not having to go through that! (plus being able to pause and rewind lectures is great.)

I don't know why, but I have learned so much more along the lines of working with others at work than I learned in school. With other kids, it was pure (painful) socialization for the most part. When we were forced to work in groups, it never felt like something pleasant, or that we were really working together, or that I learned anything about working with others.

At work, when I work with people, it feels like we're actually communicating to solve a problem, where I actually have knowledge and actually can help out. I actually really enjoy it. (That's a lot of "actually's".) But I do feel like I communicate much better when working with someone to solve something, instead of just chatting.

In school group projects, it always felt so forced and torturous, with no good result except to satisfy a requirement. I felt like most of my learning went better alone, when I didn't have the anxiety of a group causing my brain to stop functioning. Groups made it so much harder for me to learn the material. Gosh!

Anyway, I will eventually have to work together with others online, as some courses do require group-work. I am trying to be hopeful, and just hope that I will feel better about it now, after having worked with others at work, than I did back then. But I'm also worried the old feelings will resurface.

It's also likely that I may have to take a real-life class when I go full-time next year (if I get accepted). So I am really worried about that. Thing is, is the online courses are limited, and if I want to complete this in my timeline, I may be forced to do a live class. UGH, I HOPE that doesn't happen. But it might.

It's weird, but I feel like I'm finally getting to a point in my life where I'm going in a direction I want to go. Okay so maybe not 100% because I'm in a relationship and structuring some things around him, but for the most part, I feel like I'm starting to really take closer looks at my life and am making some real decisions to move in a direction I want to go.

I never understood the idea about getting to know yourself before my last breakup.

I had heard it a lot of times, when I had gone through a breakup and people would say that one should not get involved again too quickly so they could "find themselves" or whatever. I thought it seemed weird because I didn't see why you can't "find yourself" while you were with someone else. Heh, okay, so actually the truth is I still think you can "find yourself" while you're with someone, albeit it's a little harder. So nevermind.

But what I do mean is that regardless of whether you're in a relationship or not, there is something important about getting to know yourself. I think that simply, it's just a matter of discovering what you enjoy, allowing yourself to enjoy it, and making decisions that orbit that. I think that having anxiety makes that whole process very difficult.

Personally, I have gone through much of my life stupidly. Okay so it really was the only way I knew to go at the time, but I feel like I centered so much of my life based on other people. I guess there's nothing wrong with that for some, but I feel like I put myself second to what my friends wanted, and my deepest goal in life was to find romantic love. Everything else felt unimportant, and I could not imagine wanting anything else.

It was all about others. Both my major life and day-to-day decisions were made as a by-product of it being convenient for someone else.

Okay so fast forward to the present. As a result of many unhappy relationships (present one not included), I realized finally that love was not all it was cracked up to be. At least I realized that I didn't care about it any more. (I also lost my female friendships.) But so far as love, the negatives in relationships were not worth the freedom and were of lesser importance than other things.

What those "other things" are, which embody the new goal of my life, is still not clear to me, but I get this feeling today like the world is my oyster, and being able to make choices and change my life however I want seems like the greatest thing to me now.

I think it's mostly a feeling of power over my own life which I am discovering. It is something I feel I threw away over and over in my past. But I couldn't help it. I was petrified and scared and miserable due to lack of a sense of self and SA. And I still have that problem today, but I feel like things are starting to change a little more at least. I do know that SA was/is a big part of the reason I had/still have so much trouble.

I don't know if this is superstition, but I have sort of also felt that my life must be changing because I have started having good dreams. Well, at least since I've started actually going down the path of school and doing what I want, it seems like I've started having better dreams, and they haven't been the usual twisted nightmares that I normally have.

Eh, now that I think about it, while I try to cubbyhole my life as making progress, the truth is, that probably not much has really changed. I do think I've always had this sort of reaching nature and desired autonomy, and have always slowly made progress over the years, even in the bad times. I'm sure that something will bring me down again sometime soon, or cause me to doubt my decisions. But, it's nice to at least feel for a little while that I am going down the right track.

i think the oatmeal wins the protest..




our little site here could also be in danger of censorship and being taken down if sopa and/or pipa get passed. post the wrong picture or video, get reported for piracy and goodbye site. what can you do?

sign a petition:

https://www.google.com/landing/takeaction/


find out if your state's representatives are for it and if so write, email, call, carrier pigeon them:

http://projects.propublica.org/sopa/

http://projects.propublica.org/sopa/pipa#roll_call


learn more from the 2 pages wiki has left up for the day:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stop_Online_Piracy_Act

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PROTECT_IP_Act

One of my gripes with social anxiety was that I couldn't converse with someone. I found it hard to even say simple sentences. Over the past year I've made great progress though. I find it much easier to say what's on my mind. Part of that is from exposure that no, I'm not being judged on every little thing I say. This confidence builds upon itself, slowly building my self esteem.

For the past month I've been meeting with my employment councilor and job coach with the goal of being able to socialize. The first meeting I surprised them (and myself) with how well I could carry a conversation. There were no awkward silences, just fluid conversation. I was able to add my thoughts to the conversation and change it's flow. It felt natural and good.

Every week before meeting I feel like I'd be burnt out on having a conversation, that there was nothing left to talk about, but I was wrong. I just got back from a 45 minute meeting where we talked about a bunch of random things. I wasn't sitting back making one word replies like I did in the past, I was pulling my own weight in the conversation. It feels good to do something I thought wasn't possible. It gives me hope that the possibility of making friends is much closer than I expected.

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"We just finished the game 15- 20minutes ago Follow him on Twitter kyler11 We can't think we can win the title without fightingagainst UnitedmAfter New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees performedopen-heart surgery on the Vikings' defense, the goal for thedepleted defensive backfield in the final two games should be tostanch the bleeding, Kenny Phillips Jersey try to mask deficiencies and avoidembarrassment" That corner was Taylor, and Thomas did as he planned, making the Steelers the latest victims of Tebow's magic"Looking at data and all the variables he is at more risk, so we're not going to play him," Tomlin said We needed the play, so Devin McCourty Jersey I tipped it up He struggled down the stretch, as the Jets dropped their final three games to miss the playoffs, but he was encouraged by his third season "We really don't worry about what everybody else says

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Without Manning, the Colts have sunk to 0-12 The compact unit can be folded to fit in a shirt pocket or ZEM case He probably wouldnot want to work under a GM who was too bossy"5 "At some point in time, as a group of men, you go Maurkice Pouncey Jersey in the game and you can say whatever you want about coaches, you win the game7yards on three returns against Denver Watch technique, tackling and coverage lanes tonight “No more untangling knotted earbuds, nor getting snagged on gym equipment Hurd told the agent "his co-conspirator is in charge of doing the majority of the deals" while he focused on "higher-end deals," the complaint saidcom or by calling Authentic Jordy Nelson Jersey 877-FONEGEAR (877-366-3432) TE Alex Smith sustained a "significant" shoulder injury, leaving the Browns with only two healthy tight ends: Evan Moore and rookie Jordan Cameron

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