Social Anxiety Blogs

So..this is to clear my thoughts. No ego :0

Why was I born into a world where I am forced to do things that I dislike, and generally suffer so much? Why do I feel like a failure if I don't feel like living up to other people's expectations; if I don't go after the stereotypical "good" ending - I must be strong, I must endure, I must: Be a good person, work hard, be organized, be passionate and happy and find a good career, overcome all depression and anxiety..?

My mom works as an assistant administrator for an old folks home for those old people that can still live independently and are mentally stable. I've had some correspondence with one of them who gave me a fascinatingly accurate read of my personality by observing my handwriting, and recently she has sent me a printed book in a blue duotang that she feels will help me deal with my anxiety disorder.

So, just more of my thoughts. I usually talk to myself in these blogs.

Everything is being turned into an objective, being compartmentalized and analyzed in order to create a perfect technique that will allow you to reach enlightenment.

This blog seems to be diverging more and more from the course of social-anxiety related topics, but, it is still my favourite storage space for my thoughts, so I shall continue. It all bears relevance anyway, as I am solving the problems of the mind as a whole!

I realized today what Adyanshanti was talking about when he said that only the mind creates problems; that the negative reaction only occurs subsequent to your negative thought. If you stop the thought, you stop the negativity cold.

So, now I recognize that letting go of desire to be happy seems to be the key to releasing my mind from my own self-inhibitions and restrictions. I just need to let go of the need for security, the need for pleasing others and hoping they laugh at my jokes or share my concerns, or contribute to my insights. I'm expecting too much, and trying to engineer myself to perfection, when I am perfect already.

This will be my new blog, after trying to start others on general websites, I decided to set one up in a more obscure, small place, where I could store my thoughts and come back periodically if I ever came up with new ideas. This will be a storage space for my stream of consciousness, and my explorations into the more unknown world of spirituality and metaphysics, all combined with my day to day experiences.