So, depression has given me a whole new outlook on life. hahah

This black dog has come back with a vengeance, it seems. I've been feeling so detached from everybody and everything for the last month. I made a decision to not talk to my family right now. I don't really want to. I mean, I don't hate them. I just want to be left alone.

And then I put on this mask at work. I try to attend breaks and lunchtimes, and I try to keep myself interested in the small talk lunchroom discussion. It just seems like I'm always 'trying', but never getting two steps ahead.

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Ok, so this is my cynical side popping up again.

I can't help but feel strange joining a special interest group or club. Obviously, the reason why you've joined is to meet new people and hopefully make new friends. That's the idealism behind the concept.

But I can't help but stigmatize the whole thing. Here's a bunch of strangers together, like a melting pot full of potentially odd ingredients, with a hope that somehow one or two of the ingredients will form a bond.

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Have you ever gotten close to feeling socially 'normal' (and I use the word 'normal' loosely), and then after another period of solitude, your normalcy fades away like the fog, as if it never even existed?

I'm like that. I'm up and down with being social and feeling comfortable socializing, and then I'm back to being completely introverted and not wanting to speak to anybody for days or even weeks at a time. These strange social mood swings are sometimes confusing to people I work with and even to myself sometimes.

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