I contacted two people downstate, that still help with the club I used to belong to. Larry filled me in on many of the originals, he would say “So and so is still around, but not here” but one of my favorites, Bob, a man that I liked, he said “He’s gone” I wrote back, what do you mean gone… He’s one of a kind. He was married when I knew him, off limits but I always said if he and his wife broke up, I would move in, and I typically don’t think like this.

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I had to leave my environment two times last week, each time it involved me working with people a meeting or something. It changed my entire week. I felt so much better.

Having human contact no matter how minimal, a simple meeting can make me feel better, that's sad!

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I’ve been extremely melancholy. Some old music triggered memories. I’ve been thinking of my Dad, yes I have one, on rare occasion when I mention him people are surprised, just like if I mention I have a brother “I didn’t know that, you never talk about him, I knew you had a sister.” Well, we all have our reasons.

My dad had a persona, he was much like Johny Cash, not in looks but in attitude, right is right, wrong was wrong, black and white, this is the way it is, don’t like it, too bad.

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Each year, each year, I start going through this, the exact time of year, I always blame it on winter depression. Little things will trigger me. Then, each year, I blog about it.......

It's now March, each Feb I start going down hill for a few, it's the month we found out Joe wasn't going to make it. I have so many mixed feelings, so many.

So, this too shall pass, I just have to remember. When you push feelings down, they'll just up and bite you. I think it's called Denial

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The emotional roller coaster is leveling off. The last few days I've been eating clean (er) not as much junk food. I've been putting real food in my body, such as a hamburger (homemade) veggies (I did not go into cardiac arrest). It DOES make a major difference for me.

Why is it, when we get down, depressed, some of us head right for the junk, I mean a b-line, even when we're stuffing our faces, we know we would be better off if we were eating healthy, yet........

I've isolated myself so much.

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Let me try this again, seeing I lost my last entry, I hate it when that happens.

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I’ve made some pretty harsh waves over who my ex boss hired as a maintenance man.

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I’m having trouble comprehending how the Military can make me keep an insurance that I don’t want, that is interfering with the quality of my health, well being. I can’t comprehend how “Not active” isn’t enough for the State. The more I think about this, the more it makes me angry, I shouldn’t have to fax them anything, if I don’t want the insurance that should be enough. Then when you consider I don't have the insurance......

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I'm one that always wants to know "Did you learn anything" it can be remnants from a business deal- a personal relationship.

The last. I have learned, to follow my instincts, of course, there will always be someone that can get over on you.
What I really have learned, is NOT to react in a certain manner, it's not good.

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Let me try and write a blog in something that resembles the English language, my fingers can't keep up with my mind when I'm on a roll. At times I look back at my writing and think WTF, that error was so seeable;-)

Deep breath. A lot of deep breaths. Yes Becky Mommy, I'm writing down all calls that come in, I'm also keeping them on caller ID.

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