Social Anxiety Blogs

Yeah, it's been a while... again. Partially just because I haven't really had anything to write or even felt like writing.

In my never ending struggle with depression (which seems to far outweigh my struggle with anxiety... for the most part...), I've 'fallen' more than a few times in the past few weeks. I'll be okay for a few weeks and then, the bottom falls out and I'm avoiding everyone, even my cherished best friend.

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I know it's been a while since I wrote anything.... blog entry, PM, anything. I've more or less been hiding in my shell the last few weeks, riding the emotional roller coaster. Gotta love it... O_o

Life here in KY hasn't been terrible at all. Joe's family are total gems in every sense. His Mom is so much like my Mom in so many ways, it's scary. It's like she's my Mom with a Kentucky accent :b

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Gotta love it... I put off getting my insurance changed over (really, I didn't know that I had to until a few days ago) to KY standards and I can't do it on line so I have to do it in person so I can change my place of residence. Well, it just occurred to me that I actually had to get it in KY and not the closest office nearest me (in Portsmouth, just across the river...). So, thankfully, I found a Progressive office in (I think) the next town over from South Portsmouth (South Shore).

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Yep, it's that time of the month again. And, as usual, I'm battling the inevitable depression and moodiness that goes along with all that. I thought that, just for one month, one month that I could avoid all that, be okay and not be 'taken' by this... I guess it's just not in the cards this time around.

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In a way, I'm glad that I have things that need to be done. Tomorrow, I need to see about getting a temp insurance card as I lost my other one in preparation for getting my registration and license transferred to Kentucky on Friday.

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Yesterday wasn't my best day. I woke up depressed and nothing that I tried mentally got me out of it. Physically, I felt like hell so actually doing something productive like arranging my room or taking a walk was out of the question.

I spent most of the day either on the couch, just sitting there or on the back porch, trying not to cry too loudly. For the most part, everyone gave my my space, of which I was grateful of. It means a lot to me that they think of me enough not to crowd me, especially when I was feeling so low.

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I have to say, I'm glad to be where I am now. I really haven't done much to unpack quite yet but I have time for that. I'll probably do something with some of my clothes later, plus possibly reorganize the yarn that I have down there. I still need to set up the desktop but even with that, there's time for that.

Joe and I have been hanging out together a lot and I'm really enjoying spending a lot of time with him. I don't think that I'll ever get tired of hanging around with him.

Emotionally, I feel like I have hope for the first time in a while that I'm actually going to be okay.

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We got back Wednesday night, just about at sunset, which was perfect timing.
Actually, I got back here first as Joe had stopped to eat earlier. Ironically, I had to stop to pee at a rest stop and Joe went on ahead. Then, I stopped to get gas at the BP station in Delaware County, just north of the Loop. Joe was there, getting gas too but he didn't see me and I couldn't get his attention before he pulled out. I had thought that he was going to get home before me but I hadn't known that he was going to stop and eat.

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Yeah, I know I'm looking for trouble but I couldn't manage to settle down, even with taking a muscle relaxer so I'm trying to think of things that I want to bring with me. Too, I'm trying to toss as much trash as I can since any that we accumulate before Wednesday, we'll either have to leave here or take with us to toss somewhere else.

My nerves are so freakin' on edge right now, I could scream. I really need to calm down and concentrate on all this. I probably should fill my tank tomorrow when I go out to the bank too. Kill 2 birds with one stone.

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Gawd help me, it's just about here. Joe's coming up tomorrow, we're going to pack both vehicles as full as they'll go, I also have to close out my bank account before we leave too.

Right now, I'm scared... so anxious, wondering if I'm making a big mistake. But really, I have no other place to go except Becky and Brian's house.

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