Social Anxiety Blogs

The past few nights, it's been chilly.... bordering on freezing. Thankfully, Lake Erie is keeping us out of the freeze zone that people are getting more inland (I'm about 6 miles from the lake, as the crow flies....).

One thing that occurred to me today is that I'm not as mentally flexible as I used to be. I don't know if it's just mental exhaustion or what but I'm just not interested in making more friends than I have (and I'm barely hanging onto the ones that I do have now so...). Adding to that, I'm not interested in making friends with people that are totally different from me, as in different ideas, different values... I enjoy talking with people that 'get' me, that understand me without me going through a lot of hoops to explain why I am the way that I am. I know that's a rare thing for anyone and it's something that I don't run into very much anymore but then, I'm really not 'putting myself out there' as much as I used to either.

This might make me seem anti social and that's the farthest thing from the truth. For me, making friends takes emotional energy. For me, friends are an emotional investment. I put a lot of myself into the friendships that I do have (well, not lately but, I blame depression on that one...).

I still feel that there's a part of me that's shutting down, that is still healing to some point, that might never recover and sadly, I feel that it's an essential part of me that's doing this. Kind of like when you get physically sick... you sleep a lot so your body can heal better... I don't know how healthy this is but I can't really help it. As hard as I try to take on the mindset that I'm a survivor and not a victim, a big part of me still feels 'injured' and 'not right' (I can't narrow it down any further than that...).