Social Anxiety Blogs

Last summer a friend of mine and I went out to a bar where a afroreggae band was playing. This is really not my scene. She's a great friend, and I even have had feelings of wanting to date her, so I went anyway. The night didn't go well. There were times I was expected to dance, some might say I was encouraged, but I felt like it was more pressure. Several times I had to leave the bar. My back was tightening up and I was shaking a little bit. After that, my friend suggested that I might have some social phobia. It kind of surprised me because...this feels normal to me. I've always been scared of people. Always wanted to call in sick to school, work at home in private, not go to parties, watch movies instead of talk. The main reason I'm writing tonight is that I haven't been feeling good for a while. It's a Saturday night. A neighbor invited me to his 21st birthday party. Once again, I felt pressured, or expected to go, rather than encouraged. The message I got was, "if you don't go, you're a weirdo." I went walking over to the place tonight, but upon seeing everyone in the front lawn, I stopped. I hid behind a tree and just watched from a distance. They were grouped together in casual conversation but they would have been able to see me if I got closer. So I went home. Now I'm here. Feeling like I wasted a night. I feel like I went home to something I knew rather than taking a chance. I don't know if this is a start or another night like this...