Social Anxiety Blogs

I'm one that always wants to know "Did you learn anything" it can be remnants from a business deal- a personal relationship.

The last. I have learned, to follow my instincts, of course, there will always be someone that can get over on you.
What I really have learned, is NOT to react in a certain manner, it's not good.

I was reading a book (No pictures;-d) and something struck me, it was a blow to my ego, but I had to admit, that I have one or two faults, and they have come out, in most relationships that I have had, hell, it wouldn't have changed the outcome of this last relationship, he deserved it, and more, but I learned.......

I was talking to an ex on myspace (yes I have one, too keep in touch or to find someone I've been looking for.....) he brought something up, he really wanted a life with me, but he didn't feel as I felt the same (actually, I'm still not one......) because of this one man I talked about all the time, my ex boss, friends, some of you know who he was, I was so adamant that this man was wrong, after all, we were just friends, I was being open and honest. I will say I heard this from other men in my life, I pretty much ignored them.
I did NOT take their feelings into consideration because I knew what was what. Oddly, they were correct about the man, he only hits on me every few months now. Because he was one of my best friends I did talk about him much, yet, he never told his ex wife, current gf, mother of his child (same woman) about me, so that says something.

Now, maybe I didn't care about these men enough to drop him as my friend, I know when I truly care about someone. Right now, he's the only one that I have any ties to as far as a past, going down memory lane, hard.

Business........My boss/landowner was here last night, I think I blogged about it, not sure, I was petrified. I wrote her a long email today, I told her, how hurt I was, instead of saying you did this, you did that, the fucking felon did....I told her how I felt, how bad it hurt.
I am...I will tell a white lie to protect someone, I'm smart enough not to tell my mom her husband is an ass if asked...But, I was so offended, extremely offended at what he said. She didn't defend me, when I feel she "should" have.......See, if I know a person, and they're my "friend" If I trust them enough to give them responsiblity, I'm going to defend them, not let someone put them down or say things that simply aren't true, my foot would be in their ass. I'm not good at planned confirmation but....

Then......I'm done........I still see things that could get her in trouble but I have to shut it down, she's NOT listening, me, I like to prevent things from happening, it's her complex, it's her reputation. I need to sit back, wait and relax, I'll be out of here once I get that check, well I'll start looking, his name will be in the paper again, for this Im' sure, he'll be back in jail.

These were issues I just couldn't let go of, I was like a dog with a bone, I was cut to the core. Anyway, no noe is really coming to me anymore, I'm getting known for my snit fits, and that's OK, it really is, when things have gotten that far, there's a reason, other than I'm pissed.

I just want to feel, consistant for a few days this will sound odd, but i wish I were bi-polar, something where I could be stabalized, I mean no offense too anyone, I hate this.

An old cliche, too be loved you have to love yourself....I always avoided this.......I was in K-mart the other day, I rounded a counter, something went "Hmmm" you do have to care about yourself, maybe not to love, but to have self respect to know you're worth something, you have to do something to get self respect, that's one of my major downfalls. I have to start respecting myself.