Social Anxiety Blogs

So, now I recognize that letting go of desire to be happy seems to be the key to releasing my mind from my own self-inhibitions and restrictions. I just need to let go of the need for security, the need for pleasing others and hoping they laugh at my jokes or share my concerns, or contribute to my insights. I'm expecting too much, and trying to engineer myself to perfection, when I am perfect already. When I do not try, when I am unaffected by the outside world, then my personality is pure and free - this is the state I must achieve; not just for social anxiety, but for the whole human condition.

But I wondered today, is that possible based on the path I'm travelling? I am following Eckhart Tolle's advice as if I were a cult member, I do not understand what is going on or what I am doing, and frequently I feel that I am doing his exercises wrongly. He himself stated in an interview that the exercises alone can not free anyone unless they understand the purpose. But I do not understand the purpose.

I do remember writing to (who I believe to be) a great philosopher, living in the United States, Pennsylvania. He responded by telling me (just a part of the message, but important):

"Now for you, the path of freedom from the known or in order to stop change, you cannot stop change because I told you too because that is replacing one teacher/ illusion with another. The only way to do this is to keep on seeking wisdom and listen more attentively, and put the puzzles together once you do that you will never want to start the puzzle all over again, that is where totally radical change takes place. But it is very hard for one to come to this truth, when one values his guru or teacher highly."

So I need to investigate the world it seems, and try to understand myself at the basic level. I will probably need to read some of the Eastern texts in order to learn more about this. Another forum member from the Eckhart Tolle site suggested that I try to identify what consciousness is, to sit peacefully and seek the source.

Seeing as how reading these Eastern texts and asking the fundamental questions about life would take a great deal of time, I will attempt the latter method first. I just need to find a quiet space to engage in this sort of search. Hmm..perhaps after Friday's exam, I will stop by the library, and try to discover who I really am.

Fascinating times...who knew socially anxiety could lead me on this quest to end human suffering and find my true reality beyond form? Anyways, back to studying :).

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