Social Anxiety Blogs

So, depression has given me a whole new outlook on life. hahah

This black dog has come back with a vengeance, it seems. I've been feeling so detached from everybody and everything for the last month. I made a decision to not talk to my family right now. I don't really want to. I mean, I don't hate them. I just want to be left alone.

And then I put on this mask at work. I try to attend breaks and lunchtimes, and I try to keep myself interested in the small talk lunchroom discussion. It just seems like I'm always 'trying', but never getting two steps ahead.

I feel really stuck. I am hoping this bloody thing will lift eventually, and I can resume a normal life with normal thoughts. Not thoughts of despair and hopelessness. It seems like every day is the same.

I don't even want to distract myself from feeling depressed anymore. But, I know that I have to preoccupy my mind to distract it from creating more maladaptive thoughts. I do my crafts to keep me occupied.

I just have to remember that I'm still a good person, that I'm still worth it, and that the only person who can love myself truly is myself. Sometimes I think that having depression makes me feel like I'm sub-human, like a defect, or a 'thing' with major issues. And that's the stigma I fight within myself and the worry about other people's perceptions of me.

I don't even know if what I'm writing about makes any sense. But as an ISFP, I know that my senses are heightened, and I am reading into people's behaviours, my own thoughts and behaviours, way too much. I'm over-estimating and becoming hyper-judgmental.

I really wish this depression would lift.....and soon.

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