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the first step

24 June 2008 - 10:52pm — liss

Today I made my first appointment to get some counseling. I'm so nervous. The thought of telling a complete stranger the story of my life is terrifying. I hope this won't be a waste of my time. I really do kinda have my hopes up that this is the beginning of a time of healing. Not only for my social anxiety, but also for some traumatic events that happened to me when I was a little girl. None of my "family" then thought healing was necessary.
Anyways...I hope I'll be able to get over some things that I still dream about. Its weird that when you think you've blocked things out, memories have a way of just kinda popping into your head. I'm so tired. Mentally and physically. I want to start over. I don't want to be bitter anymore. I want to be strong and happy. I don't want to care so much about what other people think of me. I need to find myself and hopefully think someday that I'm enough. Right now I just hate myself. I can't think of single thing about me that I like.

Comments

29 June 2008 - 11:32am — zita

Congratulations.

Congratulations. Recognising that you need outside help is a good start and then making the appointment is the next very big step. I wish you well. Every step is a small step to regaining control of what's inside you.

26 June 2008 - 5:24pm — opnewlife

Good for you

You say there is nothing you like about yourself. I like your courage for getting help. My guess is you're young. Get help for your problems now!! I am in my thirties and have never sought counseling even though I need it. Too much pride and shame. If you dont get help you will end up like me, wishing you had done something about it 15 years ago. This I guarantee. You will be asking yourself where would I be now if I had got help. Granted its never too late, but why live in misery any longer. You can do it!! I hope to cross that bridge soon and your words are encouraging. Good Luck

28 June 2008 - 6:38pm — liss

thank you

Any encouragement I get is very helpful. I feel so alone with this thing and lots of times I get discouraged. So thank you. I appreciate any support I can get.