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"Pathetic"

17 August 2008 - 9:17pm — liss

"Pathetic". That's what my husband called me yesterday, when I refused to put on a pair of shorts and swim in the river with my family. He also called me a "killjoy, rediculous", and some other hurtful things, while he's trying to force me to "lighten up". I'm very self concious of my body and even more so since I can't seem to lose the weight I gained when I was pregnant with my last son. He caused an embarrassing scene while I'm sitting in a lawn chair crying in front of his sister-in-law and her husband, and my children. I'm so mad at him and he just doesn't understand why. He thinks that my behavior was far worse than his. I just wanted to shrink up and die. I've recently started counseling and I've only had three sessions. He says its not enough or that it's not working. I'm trying so hard to make myself better, but I can't force myself to change over night. All he's managed to do is discourage me and make me think that there is no help for me. It must be awful being with someone like me or at least it's awful for him. He's made that pretty clear. I've told him that if I'm really making him that miserable that he should just divorce me. I love him so much, but I can't stand the thought of me being the reason he's so unhappy. It's not fair to him or to my children. He's never said that he wanted a divorce, but I'm thinking about insisting upon it. What else can I do?

Comments

15 February 2009 - 10:49pm — Olive

:| oh my god, he's mean. Ya,

:| oh my god, he's mean. Ya, he isn't being very understanding at all, or being sensitive towards your feelings!!! and you aren't going to change over night, like you said. It is going to take time, and you have to tell him that. This is a process, and you also have to make it clear that he isn't making it any easier on you by putting you down. HOW THE F*CK are you suposed to get better, or progress if he keeps discouraging you. It's just going to be a vicous cycle of unimprovment if he doesn't just be patient with you. It really sounds like he doesn't have a clue how to talk to women, and he probably is putting you down so much because he's so insicure himself! that's usually the case when someone is verbally absusive. He is deffinitley not worth beating yourself up over. You may love him, but he is not giving you that mutual respect back at all.... that is not love, from his end anyways. Have you asked yourself, is this what you really want for the rest of your life? someone who doesn't support, encourage you, and tell you that you're beautiful just the way that you are!!!
My best advice is that you should take him aside, once you can have one on one time, and calmly talk to him, tell him exactly how he is making you feel. Maybe he doesn't realize what he is doing to you, and he doens't realize the extent of damage he is causing. Some people are oblivious. So really, tell him your piece, and then see if he shows sympathy and maybe changes.. You're only human! you have the right to your feelings. If this doesn't work, then maybe it is a good idea that you rethink your situation with this man.

9 September 2008 - 6:01pm — Peace_Love

ohh hun

its not your fault at all.. your husband should be more supportive. Instead of the usual put downs, he should be accepting and giving you the moral support you rightfully deserve. I think his problem with his esteem is far greater than yours. You are a great woman, you deserve to be happy. I think you've been putting up with this for too long. Stand up for yourself.. forget how he feels, have you ever asked, how all of this makes you feel? What kind of impact does his behavior have on your and your children's life? Love is an emotion that is well appreciated with those who make us laugh, rather those who make us cry. I will pray for you and hope you do yourself a favor and leave him if he continues to act this way.
You deserve acceptance, love and support regardless of your so-called "short-comings". Which aren't short at all, just a temporary set back we've created in our mind. Next time he calls you pathetic, you need to show him who is truly pathetic.. summon the courage and walk out!!
sorry if my words are harsh, just calling it as it is from my own perspective.

love,
aman :)