Social Anxiety Blogs

I am 25yr old stay at home mom only because I have been too afraid to find a job or even to think about getting one makes me cry. We usually dont have enough money to pay the bills because of me. After I had my baby I started working as a receptionist at a hair salon and litterly went crazy from it. Everyone hated me, no one liked me, I always messed up. I got into a bad habbit of litterly beating myself up. banging my head into walls, pulling my hair. I guess it takes my focus off my anxiety and onto physical pain. In June I admitted myself into a crisis stablization unit, I wasnt suicidal but I damn sure thought about it alot. I have just been "diagnosed" with social phobia. I have been off and on xanax (my best friend but very addicitive, I cant take it the way my doctor perscribes me so i do not want to be on it anymore, i dont want to be addicted to it anymore)for the past 4 years trying to figure out why my anxiety will not go away. I have a counceler that i talk to and im not sure if she knows how to really help me, shes used to dealing with post pardum depression. Most of my friends (the only ones that i have been able to hang on to for a few years) have stopped trying to hang out with me because they do not understand why I act the way I do. I get upset at my boyfriend when his friends invite him to go fishing (he doesnt go out to bars or drink that often, fishing is like his bible time) because my friends dont invite me anywhere. He is usually very good at getting a babysitter for us so that i can go with him, but when i cant go I get very upset. I am getting more lonely by the day. My daughter usually gives me relief but you can only spend so much time with a 14 month old before you go crazy. Its nice to know that there are other people out there that have the same feelings as i do but I have battled this for years, I remeber sitting on the playground in 2nd grade too afraid to talk to anyone. I dont know what to do anymore :( I hate living like this, always afraid of everything. My boss at the hair salon lets me clean his house to make extra money and has recently offered me to clean the salons making the money we need to pay our bills. I need insurance, too afraid to do that, I went online got a couple quotes and now i am too afraid to call my boss and let him know. I go to his house every week and clean it for crying out loud. I hate this stupid anxiety!!!

Technorati Tags: anxiety