Social Anxiety Blogs

hey. I am a 19 year girl and i have been wondering for some time now if i have social anxiety disorder. When i was a small child i was very shy but then i grew out of it. All throughout school I was not ever really afraid to make new friends, give presentations, or answer questions in class. Something happened however, it happened right before i entered highschool when i was in 8th grade. I still to this day don't know what caused me to resort to such anxious behavior but something just clicked. I was always very popular in school but once I entered the ninth grade i grew to be overly shy and would avoid social interactions of all sorts. It got really bad when i heard from one of my friends that my science teacher thought i was weird. So even the teachers noticed my irregular behavior. This happened my freshmen year and all throughout high school i couldn't so much as have an ordinary conversation with someone with out turning bright red. i feel like when i am speaking to someone that is not in my family that they are judging me or that i am making an ass out of myself. I usually begin to sweat and turn red in my face, neck, and chest. sometimes my eyes will water too. once this happens, whoever i am conversing with obviously notices, this causes me to turn into an even bigger wreck. I have tried to get over it but i can't seem to figure out why this happens. not to sound arrogant but i am not an unattractive person, in fact i am told that i am pretty on a regular basis. but being good looking isnt enough. that is what people dont understand. i have confided in my sister about my problem and she says that i have no reason to feel like that, that i am a smart pretty girl. I know she is right, i know i am thinking and behaving in a ridiculous manner but i can't get it out of my head. this is something real, very real and it plagues me on a daily basis. I don't think i go a two day period without blushing uncontrollably. Even today I was having a conversation on the phone and i began to sweat and turn red, without even having physical contact with the person. i dont know what to do. I know i have the ability to be socially comfortable as well as entertaining and funny. that was the way i used to be. i do not want to be a recluse. i didn't choose to become this way, my mind has taken me over and has completely changed me. I have noticed myself being outwardly negative lately and i know it is because of this. i am beginning to even sneer at social gatherings as a whole and I know it is just because i envy those who do not have social anxiety like me. i worry that this will hold me back in my education and my career. it is demotivating. i dont want to resort to hating myself or others because of this. i just want to be freed from this silly fear of mine.

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