Social Anxiety Blogs

In my last (and first) entry, I talked a little about moving to Texas to live with an old friend of mine. Well, I can't bring myself to be that far from my best friend. I just can't. I've been sitting here today, thinking about the reality of being farther away from each other than we already are. I've been having anxiety attacks all day.

Just the thought of not being able to see him every few weeks/months tears me up. I just can't do it. As much as I love my old friend, I have way more to lose by moving nearer to her than she does.

I hate feeling like I have to choose between friends but.... my best friend and I are all each other have in real life (well, he has his parents but other than that...) and I have no one but him.

I know this is an emotional reaction but I got to thinking about it today, about moving half way cross country (I'm in NE Ohio...) and she's near Austin, TX. Right now, if I wanted to go see my best friend, it's a 4 hour drive if I go straight through. If I move to where she's at, it would take me days to drive there and lately, I'm not a big fan of flying.

It hurts me to feel like I have to choose. I know that I'm at a crossroads in my life and I need to make changes if I'm going to stay alive (literally...) but I'm not willing to do anything to hurt or deprive myself of my best friend.

The idea of moving downstate, near him appeals to me greatly but jobs there are few and don't pay all that well. This is a consideration unless I live with him and his parents (something that has crossed my mind more than a few times).

And, basically, moving cross country scares the crap out of me too. Back when I was younger, it wasn't such a big deal but now, it's a scary thing and I don't feel secure about it.