Social Anxiety Blogs

Today's just one of those days when I could cheerfully punch everyone in the face. It's really sad in a way. I used to be so positive and open with just about everyone in my life. Lately, I've been angry and withdrawn. I just want to scream until I can't scream anymore, hide in a hole and pull it in after me. Feeling like this scares me. Because a part of me really wants to do it.

The only way that I could isolate myself further would be to disconnect my cable internet and keep my phone shut off. That's all it would take. And the fact that as each day passes, I care a little less about everything.

I've come to the conclusion that, if someone's been hurt too many times, been pushed too far, sometimes, they can't bounce back. I've been like this (more or less) since about 3 years ago. For all the trying that I've done to get better, the old issues are still there, seemingly untouched. I honestly am at a loss as to how I can make myself care again.

I used to be able to trust people more or less freely, even to the point that I would get hurt in the process but I never really stopped. Even trusting strangers was something that I would willingly do.

I'm tired of living but I don't want to die. I just.... want to not hurt. Every area of my life fell apart, seemingly one after another until I had no one left. Even my only local g/f abandoned me. Only my best friend stood by me. Now, I only have him.

I've tried so hard to get past this, to move on but living in this house, where they once all were and now, they're all gone weighs heavily on me. I feel like I'm dead but I don't have enough common sense to lay down and be still.