Social Anxiety Blogs

The other day, I was watching 'Elizabethtown' and the term 'substitute people' came up. That phrase hit home in a big way for me. Most of my life, I've felt that this is what I am... just someone filling in until someone else who's more interesting/fun/deeper/intelligent/right comes along.

I know this ties in with the 'not-good-enoughs', low self esteem/whatever. It's kind of saddening to feel that you're not good enough to be a 'primary' person in anyone's life. Few people in my life have ever truly 'chosen' to spend time with me when they had something better to do. Most of the time, it was because they didn't have anything better to do but the minute something more fun/better came along, they usually dumped me, not even asking me if I wanted to come along. I can't even remember how many times this has happened to me.

Even in relationships, it was like I was filling in for the real person and the moment that person came along, *poof* I was alone.

As it stands now, I have one person that I chat with daily and that's it. In my heart, I know that I couldn't deal with more than that but at the same time, it scares me that only one person would be aware that I was missing if something happened to me.