Social Anxiety Blogs

So I'm on my off class right now. Thanfully this week is almost over, I don't know what I'd do if it weren't. The sun's beaming in through the window and keeping my left arm comfortably warm as I type. If I believed in a god, I think what I'd be praying for now is eternal sunshine. Because even though I'd rather not be outside in it, it's keeping me calm.

I woke up this morning (at 6 am, so damn early) knowing fully well that I won't be going to last class today. We're "acting". Oh, joy. More and more creative ways for me to make an idiot of myself. I think I'll pass, I've already had more than enough panic attacks for only being back in school for a little over a month. However, skipping class seems to be a huge problem for me. It's just so freaking easy, and I like it. Keeps me sane. I'm only ever really "happy", if you could call it that, when I'm at home doing what I'm doing right now - sitting at the computer and typing in the sun. Or sleeping. Don't meds make dreaming fun? They're so vivid. x)

This is my second day being on Cipralex (Lexapro), and I'm thankful I didn't experience like 6 side effects right away as I did at the beginning of Effexor. What I feared the most was insomnia again. Damn, that first Effexor pill had me feeling like I could run a marathon all night. It did subside after a while, but since I'm back in school sleep is vital. And aside from it being one of the few things left that puts a smile on my face, I do in fact need it to function.
It's fine though, because I now have a 3-day weekend to look forward to. And only three days of school next week - what a gift that is!

On a different note, I've been thinking a lot about depression and if I have it, how badly? After a lot of pondering I decided whatever depression I have is relatively mild, and mainly caused by my anxiety.
This also got me thinking about how I've been feeling lately, which I might say has been a little bit better. I can't stop wondering if it's the meds, or my own actions/thoughts? I really hope I made myself feel more positive on my own. Since this isn't as big an issue as anxiety for me, I'd like to be able to cope without meds.