Social Anxiety Blogs

I was able to function for years, even with anxiety simply because I just thought that this was just the way that I was, a messed up, screwed up person. I didn't know that there were such things as anxiety disorders or that depression was a mental illness. I pushed myself to my limits most of my life, simply because I felt that I had to, to function.

I've been anxious/nervous/depressed for most of my life, as far back as I can remember. While I had periods in my life when I was relatively anxiety free (where it didn't impact my life in any major way), it's been with me all my life. Most people that meet me don't see it, even going so far as to describe me as laid back and easy going. Hah! I got 'em all fooled...

On SAS, people talk about recovery. For people that haven't spent a lifetime with this disorder, it's highly probable that they'll recover but for people that have dealt with this since they were small children, recovery is a misty dream that never really comes to pass.... at least for me.

I've only known about social anxiety (well, for that matter, about anxiety disorders and most mental illnesses...) for about 5+ years now as far as having a personal understanding of them. At one point, after learning about all this, I was making progress. My life was more or less stable, if a little precarious. Of course, generalized anxiety is more of an issue for me than SA but that's beside the point.

As an aside, it's kind of funny/sad that a lot of SA sufferers don't understand GAD at all. In some ways, to me, it's more embarrassing to try to explain why I hate going out into my back yard than to explain why I don't like taking walks in my neighborhood. I've gotten some funny looks from SAers when I try to talk about my GAD issues.... sad, huh? Even stepping onto my side steps to go to my car can be a traumatic experience for me, depending on how I'm feeling.

At any rate, I'm probably at the lowest point in my whole life right at this moment. The best that I could possibly hope for is to find ways to cope and find a small bit of peace in what passes for my life.