Social Anxiety Blogs

I've been in therapy since November, and on Paxil since January.

It's amazing how much progress I've made. About a month ago I went out for supper with a couple friends I hadn't seen since high school. It was incredible how relaxed I felt. A couple weeks ago I went out for coffee with someone I haven't really seen in four years, and again I was calm.

One of my major problems right now is anticipatory anxiety. I started college in September. I almost had a panic attack on the dive there, but once I was in the school, sitting down, waiting for the classes to be sent off to their rooms, anxiety was almost non-existant.

I've actually made friends in school. It feels completely weird to say that, but it's true. All my life, the only way I met people was through people I already knew. But somehow I talked to people in class. I'm even going to a movie with them tonight.

It's great to see my psychologist every two weeks and relay all of this to him. He always smiles and says how happy he is for me. Randomly he'll say things like "This is amazing! Could you imagine, six months ago, being able to accomplish all of this?" And no, I couldn't imagine it. It's great to have people be proud of me. Really it's only my psychologist and my boyfriend, but that's all I need.

Speaking of my boyfriend, that's another thing I'm having trouble with right now. Not *him*, he's amazing. It's the amount of time we get to spend together. He's in his second year of college, but didn't start until last week. Before that he was working full time, as a cook, which involves really long hours and usually 6 day weeks. I was lucky to see him twice a week. Now he's back in school, but even that isn't normal hours. Most of the time he'll be going to school at night, while I'm in school during the day. He'll be working weekends. I'm really worried about never being able to see him. He's so much to me... he's pretty much my only source of motivation.

The last big problem I'm having right now is depression. Now the only other time depression was a problem for me was when I was a hermit for a year. But that had a cause. This doesn't seem to have any cause. Everynight around suppertime, I just crash, completely crash. I get mopey and negative, and can't get myself to do anything. I get that feeling behind my eyes like I want to cry, but I can't and feel like I have no reason to. I'm just going to have to mention it to my psychologist and perhaps my doctor, and see what they have to say about it.