personal

God and Anxiety.

Im here to share my story in hope that it will help or encourage someone. So here it goes, My Story:

About Me, Jewel:-)

So, here's a little bit about me. My mom passed away from Ovarian cancer when I was 20 years old, a year and a half ago. I just turned 22 in June. I was diagnosed with extreme Social Anxiety Disorder and clinical (suicidal) depression when I was 17.
My mom was diagnosed with Stage IV Ovarian cancer when I was 19. I was forced to grow out of my shell very quickly and grow up overnight. I had been a very shy girl with SAD living at home with my mom, who was my best friend.

miserable situation

Once again my husband is leaving me at home with the kids. I realize he doesn't need to take me everywhere he goes, but I'm so lonely and he's the only person I have to talk to. Actually lately I feel like I can't even talk to him. This is my situation...I'm living in a house full of my husband's family. This would be a completely miserable situation even if they were relatively normal. They all add just a little bit of their own drama to the house. Every one of them has said some awful things to my face and behind my back.

.....complication...

why does everything have to be so "complicated"...or shall I say why is everything in my life in mumble-jumble and so complicated..?Just makes everything 10x times harder..

bye for now..

Hi everyone =)~

hm....posting my first blog here, well not exactly a blog but I just wanted to start off by saying" hi"~~
I hope I can post my thoughts/feelings and update it as much as I can.
See ya later~~

God Bless~~

Thoughts of self

I contacted two people downstate, that still help with the club I used to belong to. Larry filled me in on many of the originals, he would say “So and so is still around, but not here” but one of my favorites, Bob, a man that I liked, he said “He’s gone” I wrote back, what do you mean gone… He’s one of a kind. He was married when I knew him, off limits but I always said if he and his wife broke up, I would move in, and I typically don’t think like this.

people

I had to leave my environment two times last week, each time it involved me working with people a meeting or something. It changed my entire week. I felt so much better.

Having human contact no matter how minimal, a simple meeting can make me feel better, that's sad!

Up and down... yet again...

Yeah, it's been a while... again. Partially just because I haven't really had anything to write or even felt like writing.

In my never ending struggle with depression (which seems to far outweigh my struggle with anxiety... for the most part...), I've 'fallen' more than a few times in the past few weeks. I'll be okay for a few weeks and then, the bottom falls out and I'm avoiding everyone, even my cherished best friend.

It is what it is

I wrote in my last blog about dissatisfaction with my relationship. That’s not really true. While there are times when I wish things were different, most of the time I’m satisfied.

Dog spelled backwards is god

The Buddha taught that all conditioned mental and physical phenomena are impermanent, but there is something that doesn't seem to change -- the dissatisfaction I have with my relationship with my wife.

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